Do you really wanna race in that!
by Doug Breithaupt
Some things were never meant to be powered by huge engines
but don't tell the folks at Hot Wheels. They seem to delight in adding big,
bad motors to some pretty wild vehicles. I've decided there is a theme here
which follows the life-cycle.
Lets start with the little red wagon. The Radio Flyer is an American icon
and millions of children have made their wagon into a down-hill racer. Of
course with no brakes and steering designed to flip the racer on their head,
the Radio Flyer may be responsible for many 'first' wrecks. Hot Wheels decided
the solution was to put a big motorcycle engine right behind the driver
to make sure that their Radio Flyer is an accident waiting to happen. It
should come with a warning "don't try this at home" because we
all know some kid is trying to build one in his garage right now.
There are many reasons why a motorized toilet is an idea that stinks. If
you think talking on the cell phone while driving is a bad idea... I suppose
it is environmentally-friendly as it could run on natural gas. The Hot Wheels
Hot Seat is flush with opportunities for wise cracks but I will refrain
and plunge ahead.
A trip to the grocery store would be more fun in the Hot Wheels Express
Lane cart. Of course, there is no room for groceries due to the addition
of a blown V8. Quarter-mile ET's in the produce section seems a bit silly
but a quick race around the dairy case could be fun. One concern would be
the potential for some real nasty parking lot dents.
How about a nice, relaxed round of golf, at 90 miles an hour. Most golfers
enjoy the slow pace of the game but not at Hot Wheels. The 'Teed Off' golf
cart from the 'Miller Country Club' might be more at home on the drag strip
rather than the fairway. In this baby, you could beat your shot to the green!
As we approach that final journey, most of us would prefer to take it as
slow as possible. They say 'speed kills' and Hot Wheels 'Rigor Motor' is
just the vehicle to do the job. Modeled after the Dragula raced by Herman
in the Munster's movie, this is truly for the quick and the dead. What a
way to go.
Many collectors find these crazy customs of little interest but kids love
them. I find them hard to resist as they represent the fun that all toy
cars offer to kids and collectors alike. No one does these vehicles like
Hot Wheels and I hope they keep it up. Any toy car that brings a smile is
OK in my book.
The Radio Flyer that really might
This 'seat-of-ease' is plumbed for speed
Probably not the safeway to shop
The back nine and back in nothing flat
One for the quick and the dead